The simplicity of this practice made the possibility very real and we used that starting point as a leverage for some other desired shifts in behavior, especially the need for increased skill in active listening. For this one can monitor one’s body posture as well as breath. If the body is positioned to pounce at the next break in conversation, a person is probably experiencing a sense of urgency to enter the conversation. In sitting back the body prepares for receptivity and a deep breath quiets the busyness in mind. This stillness prepares the way for truly listening to another person.

Active listening is a practice many people say they desire, but in the heat of the moment other desires become greater. This is true of other practices, too. The question is how to lower the temperature of the moment and find a little calm so other desires can come forward or reason can enter into the situation.

I’ve had several people report great success when they hold back from reaction and take a moment to reflect or process. Finding a way to “hit pause” is like having a magic wand.

I have had a great deal of busyness in my life but not so much of late, at this stage. So I generally think it might be easier for me to make time for stillness. And I do understand the value and I do make time for it. It is in stillness that I can be in touch with something other than what’s happening at the top of my head or what’s assaulting my senses. It is the time and space when I can examine my reactions, reflect on the value of experiences or ideas or people, and come to a new appreciation of what is important.

As much as I have made this process part of my life I realized that I could be doing much more when I was recently sick. The sickness had a relatively short period of violence but it knocked me out for two days– I couldn’t really read, I couldn’t sustain interest in an entire movie at one time. My interior processes were as buffered from those perceptual inputs as my body was from the chill with a throw wrapped around me. This coincided with the turning of the year. I considered it a gift to know how still I could become and thought stillness a fine tribute to changing of the calendar.

Stillness is something that can be attained through coaching. Even though it takes place as a conversation, the masterful coach will help the individual quiet the busyness of the head and come to a new understanding of experiences and perceptions, and help the individual appreciate the best of the self. Many people report valuing the time for reflection that coaching affords them. This does not diminish the value of stillness alone it simply adds to our choices for the pursuit of stillness.

As much as we desire certainty and feel our world rocking when we can’t know things, many people have been reminding us for years that we can’t be certain of things. What I see is not necessarily what you see even if we are in the same room. The past really doesn’t predict the future, especially when circumstances are changing at a rapid rate. We used to think we could control our world. We are beginning to see that as an illusion.

The uncertainty of our world, or perhaps better phrased as the uncertainty of which we have become aware, makes many people uncomfortable. So if we can’t force tomorrow or even the next minute to be the way we want it to be how do we behave in a way to invite the most appealing or successful alternatives? Choice is still real. But if we look at circumstances, events and people as we have always looked at them we see no more than the possibilities we saw before and choices are very limited. The approach then, and this is the coach approach, is to slow down enough to ask ourselves what other perspectives we might take, how else we can see what is going on and our own reactions. In openness and inquiry lie the secrets to a future that unfolds more generously with more possibilities.

So I spoke to Nasar at break about my reflection. He affirmed the truth of it and told me there is also an agreement with the Almighty to receive inspiration and let the music flow through them. And, I added, it flows through the audience and back to the musicians in energy.

With the depth of this discussion I decided that “covenants” is a good topic for reflection and self coaching. Taking my advice I pondered and realized that a very important covenant in my life is among my adult children and me, and I further realized I had allowed it to remain implied. How much stronger it will be when we explicitly agree that we will tell the truth about what we need and about what we are able to promise.

I appreciate the “covenant” overlay on life events and future possibilities. I will offer that to coaching clients. My gratitude to the musicians for more than the immediate enjoyment of their music.

We Westerners seem to have a lot of training in either-or thinking, beginning with parental choices and extending into philosophical discussions about the horns of a dilemma. While some situations are indeed dilemmas demanding we choose one or the other alternative, we can see new possibilities for action by recognizing others as polarities as two legitimate values that exist in dynamic tension . The first basic example that Cliff gave us (see Cliff Kayser) was inhaling and exhaling. It’s easy to see the upside of each. Thinking a little about it we can all see the downside to staying in either mode to the exclusion of the other. Okay, so healthy life, in fact life at all, depends on our accessing both. We could make a shallow inhale and a shallow exhale and achieve balance. Is this the best way to make use of the breathing functions? Most of us don’t think so and it is hard to get through a day without someone, maybe even ourselves, saying “remember your deep breaths, with long inhales and long exhales”.

If we think about any polarities in our life (exercise-relaxation?, listening-speaking?, independence-dependence?, and many others you can think of quickly) we can see how either value can be very attractive, that both values are attractive at different moments, and that each has a down side when we do too much of it or remain there to the exclusion of the other. Are there polarities lurking within the work-life balance phrase? Some people might say yes and describe them as “dedication to quality work” and “dedication to quality personal life”. How you describe the components of these poles will be important to your decision for action. Describing the down side of each will probably come easily to those who notice a struggle. Polarity leveraging asks us to notice how much of the good stuff we are getting out of each of the two values, and how much time we are spending in the bad stuff (staying in one too long). It then asks us what action steps we can take to access more of each of the values. And what early warning signs should we heed that indicate we are going too far into the down side of either.

I believe setting up dedication to quality work and dedication to quality personal life as polarities encourages us to seek excellence in both and gives credence to those nagging feelings we have when we know it is “out of balance.” We could balance both by doing a little of each on the up side and also dwelling in the downsides of each, but it would certainly not be a satisfying balance. The attractive choice is clearly to seek ways of achieving excellence in both values and not only forgive ourselves for not living in one overly long but actually celebrate our ability to move between the two. In recognizing them as polarities we embrace both without guilt and ask what specific actions will take us on our chosen path.

Preparation means understanding the matter at hand, understanding the people involved and having a plan for a rich experience with a meaningful flow as well as some back up ideas that can be drawn on. The more deeply one has absorbed these elements, the more readily one can draw on them when they are needed. Perhaps that seems obvious. The more subtle aspect of this preparation is that one is creating a vest of capability and confidence that one then wears into the performance. And that becomes important in how you show up.

Perform does not mean an artificial exercise. I use the word to indicate that all of you is being observed when you are trying to make a point, trying to persuade, helping a group to find resolution, or rallying morale. Surely we have all been addressed at some time by a person who’s head was buried in his notes, or been in a meeting with someone whose body language was crying discomfort or lack of confidence. And just as surely that physical message has affected how we received the spoken message. When it is time to perform the most important thing one can do is to show up completely, be completely present. You will know it in your breathing, in the sensed strength of your body and in your attention to what seems to be happening with the people with whom you are interacting. They will know it in your solid but relaxed posture, in your voice that comes from deep in your abdomen and rings true, and in your appropriate expressions and responses to their comments and concerns.

Preparation provides the material for performance. Preparation provides the confidence for believable body language. Bringing oneself totally into the moment allows the coherence of body, emotion and language that allows people to find us credible.

Of course, I don’t believe that my wishes brought the rain. Unlike in other aspects of life. And even in life wishing alone doesn’t bring change; we must act on our wish or our dream. Usually the wish or the dream comes first, then some concrete early steps. In coaching it is not unusual to ask someone what is holding him/her back from acting on a dream, or holding him/her back from dreaming big. The answer is sometimes a lack of belief in oneself, belief in being able to attain something grand, or belief in one’s ability to act on the success. What if I got a book contract? oh dear, then I would have to finish writing the book. What if I got the ideal job? I would have to fulfill high expectations. This is a train of thought with which many people can identify and it is commonly said that people are more afraid of success than they are of failure. This has validity.

There is another valid point of view. The wish might not be grounded in what is central and important for a person. It might not fit with other aspects of life that one is growing toward. Dreaming big in one person’s terms might not be big in another person’s because it might run counter to a value system. In this alternative view, it is important for an individual to go through a practice of centering or self examination or coaching that leads to discovery. And then it is important to select a journey that will be rewarding in the moment because the future is uncertain. It might rain a little day after day or deluge might follow a long dry spell.

True, the budget of any organization, be it a government, a business or a household, reflects and reveals its values. True, there are important issues to debate and to dialogue about. Both these facts call for careful and intentional budget actions.

What is happening while we wait? I was a senior manager in a Federal Department during periods when we operated under continuing resolutions and was there during a government shutdown that lasted long enough for me to apply for unemployment benefits. I know where resources must be directed and can’t be directed.

During a continuing resolution, operating at the level of the previous year means trying to continue programs mandated by legislation even if proper execution of those programs required new funding. This requires feats of ingenuity and innovation and requires redirection of existing resources that were going to be applied in other important ways. And, during the time that Congress was not enacting a budget they continued to pass other legislation that must be carried out even though not funded. More hours are spent on this. Other new and important improvements can’t be undertaken because they are not funded.

When there is a threat of a shutdown, resources are further redirected into planning for a shutdown, assessing what is needed within each agency to continue programs required by law, and determining across agencies and departments what that will look like. This hits every level of each organization.

Think what could be achieved if our tax payer dollars, for now months at a time, instead of being directed to rethinking plans for program maintenance, finding ‘no new money solutions’ for newly legislated programs, and planning for a shutdown, could instead be directed to doing the work that this nation needs to have done. The expenditure of time, and therefore money, over the past six months has been necessary without a budget, but it is a waste.

Do we want to use tax dollars prudently? Let’s have our money go toward productive activities rather than treading water in murky indecision.

What would be an opposite way of approaching the world? Perhaps flexibility. A stream is flexible. If I were like a stream, instead of trying to moving through the stones in my path I would recognize them and flow around them. I would choose a soft silty bank as an opportunity to enlarge my boundaries rather than a rocky shore line. I wonder if I could even rejoice in the obstacles because they create different opportunities, just as a stream’s music emanates from the water moving against sticks and stones. I would appreciate the light that falls on me and reflect it to others. As ideas like leaves fall against me I would carry them along with me as I journey. I might eventually reach a lake or a sea. I think that goal pales compared to the drama of the journey and the experience of the moment.

Metaphor is a powerful tool for learning, and we use it in coaching and facilitation. Another powerful tool used in coaching to ask someone what would be another way of seeing a situation, even an opposite way of approaching it. The applied sciences are increasingly taking lessons from nature to create products that solve problems in new ways. There are lessons there for the human heart.